The Perils of Paint
by Ara Hannan
Summary: Follows Episode 99 of the anime. How is Eiji supposed to get out the paint that's ruined his perfect hair and made him look like an old man? With Fuji and Oishi's help, of course! Part 4 Up!
1. Chapter 1

**The Perils of Paint**

**Disclaimer:** Familiar characters, settings, events, and concepts all belong to Takeshi Konomi.

**Note:** Oh my goodness - something that isn't Rikkai hospital fic. I've come to the conclusion that all the PoT fic taking up space on my computer ought to just get posted - so enjoy! There are quite a few short little sections of this; I'll try to post one every day or two until they're all up.

* * *

For once, Kikumaru Eiji was glad that it was raining. The people driving past and populating the sidewalks as he walked away from school might be less inclined to notice the figure hurrying along under a bright red umbrella, his bag bumping against his back. The fact that he was wearing a sweatshirt a size too small would also not be considered unusual: they would assume he was trying to stay dry with whatever he had available, not trying to hide the deplorable condition of his hair. During the tennis meeting the paint that had spilled on his head had mostly dried, and despite Fuji and Oishi's attempts to seemingly drown him in a bathroom sink afterwards, very little of the it had actually come out. So Eiji hurried along, sopping wet, splattered with paint, and rather anxious about his hair. It had been a horrible afternoon. Well, it was still a horrible afternoon, with the potential to become even more horrible. He didn't want to think about what could happen if the paint wouldn't come out. 

"It's not that bad!" Oishi hurried next to him, his navy umbrella contrasting sharply with Eiji's red one, "We'll get it out!"

A third, black umbrella was slightly behind the other two but easily caught up. "I'm sure everything will turn out fine," Fuji smiled as he approached, reaching over to pat Eiji's arm.

Eiji was tempted to tell Fuji that everything was not going to turn out fine, unless by some miracle his hair was returned to its original condition, but that would only result in Fuji insisting even more assuredly that everything would be fine, which would be even more upsetting, which…well. It didn't really matter. Instead he just sighed, trying to pull the hood of Fuji's borrowed sweatshirt up around his head more. Fuji and he were about the same height, so how could Fuji fit into a sweatshirt this small? Eiji has to keep pulling the sleeves down around his wrists. Maybe this one has just been stuffed in Fuji's bag since last year.

A car beeped at them, and Eiji peered over his shoulder to see Fuji Yumiko in the driver's seat. She rolled down her window, calling, "Syuusuke, get in! Today is a bad day to walk!"

Fuji walked to the car, "Would it be all right to give my friends a ride as well? We have a project to work on together."

"All right," Yumiko nodded, and Oishi and Eiji hurriedly closed their umbrellas, getting into the backseat. Oishi's enthusiastic thank you was enough for all three of them, Eiji supposed, peering at Yumiko's reflected face in the rearview mirror.

The Fuji house was probably the most conductive to what they were going to attempt. If they had gone to Oishi's, Eiji predicted they wouldn't get very far before Oishi's little sisters and parents got in the way. And if they had gone to Eiji's own house…well, he didn't want to think about how all of his siblings, much less his parents and grandparents would respond to his hair problems.

"Computer first," Fuji announced, propping his umbrella up near the door and then leading the way upstairs.

After an Internet search for ways to get paint out of hair, Oishi looked skeptical. "Some of those things don't sound very safe. The cooking oil would be okay, but I'm not so sure about paint thinner…"

"I don't care!" Eiji pulled at his hair a little, feeling the crinkle of dried paint. "We just have to get it out!"

Oishi gave Eiji a long, skeptical look almost worthy of Tezuka, but it was wasted. Eiji only leaned closer to him, stressing, "This is important, Oishi!"

"It says here that bleach might work too," Fuji continued to work at the computer, hardly paying attention to Oishi and Eiji's exchange.

Oishi bit his lip a little and stood up, waiting for Fuji and Eiji to follow. It would probably be best to get them away from the computer before they found too many other dangerous 'remedies.' "Let's just try the oil first."


	2. Chapter 2

**The Perils of Paint, Part 2**

**Disclaimer:** Familiar characters, settings, events, and concepts all belong to Takeshi Konomi.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and pointed out mistakes! I appreciate the time you take to do that!

* * *

They decided to work on Eiji's hair in the upstairs bathroom, where it was unlikely anyone would bother them. Yumiko had left and Fuji's mother was downstairs watching television and knitting. It took a little while to gather everything they would need, but Fuji seemed to know where everything was stored. 

Oishi looked critically at the items Fuji had arranged on the bathroom countertop. They seemed to be lined up from least dangerous to most dangerous, starting with cooking and baby oil and leading up to paint thinner and bleach. Hairspray, nail polish remover, and peanut butter all fell somewhere in the middle.

"Okay, Oishi." Fuji hoisted himself up onto the bathroom countertop to sit, grabbing the bottle of cooking oil, "This first."

"Don't get it in my eyes, Oishi," Eiji instructed from the chair where he was sitting. "Maybe I should have a washcloth for my eyes, Fuji. It's going to feel all slimy. Maybe I should lean over the tub, huh? So we don't get this stuff all over your mom's towels and stuff, Fuji."

"It's okay," Fuji said calmly from his place on the counter.

"Well, hopefully this stuff works." Oishi poured a liberal amount of oil on Eiji's head, gingerly rubbing it into globs of paint.

"Eww, it's all slimy, Oishi." Eiji reached up to rub at his head as well. "Is this going to come out?"

"With shampoo," Oishi replied and picked at a chunk of paint that had started to soften. It wasn't long before he became absorbed in freeing chips of paint from Eiji's hair, flicking them into the waste paper basket. Eiji tried to work as well, but it wasn't as though he could see what he was doing. He gave up after awhile, and after that he grew restless.

"How much longer, Oishi? I can't sit still very much longer." Eiji peered up into the mirror to watch Oishi still picking at his head. That was a disappointment. His hair was not only still coated in globs of white paint, but it was now heavy and dark with cooking oil. Eiji let out a disgusted sigh, "Hurry up, Oishi! I need to wash it! And I'm getting hungry."

"It's harder than it looks, Eiji," Oishi responded with only a hint of irritation. He flicked another scrap of paint into the garbage, intent on removing the paint. "It's going to take awhile."

"We could try something else," Fuji said from the counter, where he was now sitting cross-legged, his chin resting on his hands. Oishi noticed that he had their literature textbook next to him, as well as a notebook and several index cards. When had Fuji left the room to get his homework?

"I'm so hungry." Eiji leaned forward, covering his face with his hands. He instantly regretted the move because his fingers still had traces of oil on them. "It doesn't help that my head smells like kitchen. Let's take a break for a snack, okay? What kinds of snacks do you have, Fuji?"

Oishi sighed, taking the bottle of hairspray Fuji held out to him. "Do you really think this is going to work? Maybe we should skip right to something stronger."

Fuji silently reached for the bottle of paint thinner. "This should work."

"We should turn on the fan and open the window if we're going to use that," Oishi reasoned, wiping off his fingers before walking over to open the window on the other side of the room. "Or maybe we should go outside."

"What are you guys using now?" Eiji sat up straighter, suddenly forgetting his stomach.

"Paint thinner," Fuji announced, picking up his literature book. "It might bleach your hair though, Eiji."

"We can dye it back," Eiji shrugged. He glanced at the bottle of paint thinner, deciding it would probably be best _not_ to read the warning label. "That stuff won't hurt, will it?"

"It just smells bad, Eiji. Don't worry." Fuji smiled before flipping through the pages of the book. He paused long enough to reach down to the cupboard beneath him with one hand, finding an old hand towel, which he handed to Oishi. "You could use this so that we don't have to pour it right on his head."

Oishi accepted the cloth, then picked up the bottle tentatively. "You, um, don't have any latex gloves around here, do you, Fuji?"


	3. Chapter 3

**The Perils of Paint, Part 3**

**Disclaimer:** Familiar characters, settings, events, and concepts all belong to Takeshi Konomi.

Again, thanks to everyone who took the time to review - I appreciate it!

* * *

The paint thinner took a while to work and they had to use more than Oishi actually felt was safe. A good hour after they started he was convinced he felt a bit dizzy, Fuji had the literature homework completed, and Eiji's hair was still something of a disaster, although the paint was out for the most part. 

"Now what?!" Eiji leaned close to the bathroom mirror. He was a little afraid to touch his hair, which still reeked of paint thinner. It was wet and slimy and clumpy. It had bleached lighter, chunks of it an unnatural, nasty orange color. It was the kind of hair you took a picture of for an entry in the Ugliest Hair Contest, right before shaving it all off. Definitely not the sort of hair that belonged on Kikumaru-sama's head!! Disaster! "We have to fix it! Right now!"

"You should probably start rinsing it right away, Eiji," Oishi suggested while scrubbing his hands and arms up to the elbows. He was quite sure he had a headache. Paint thinner had to be bad for you. He hoped Fuji's mother wouldn't come up and think they'd been trying to breathe in the fumes or some other horrible thing. How did he get into these kinds of things?!

"Yes! Definitely!" Eiji knelt next to the bathtub, turning on both taps. Shampoo would help. It had to. "Do you have shampoo, Fuji?" He grabbed a bottle in the shower rack. "Can I use this?"

"No, that's Yuuta's." Fuji took the bottle and placed it back in the rack, then opened the cupboard under the sink. He handed a coral pink bottle to Eiji. "Here, try this. It's supposed to be hydrating."

Eiji plunged his head under the faucet and shampooed his hair three times and he still wasn't even remotely satisfied with the results. Every time he rinsed it out it still felt so wrong – and this was all because of that stupid cursed racket! His poor, poor hair. In the middle of the fourth shampoo he almost wanted to bang his head against the side of the tub in frustration and distress. "We have to fix it, Oishi! This isn't working!"

"Just rinse it out and then condition it," Oishi instructed. His headache was coming back. He hadn't even started his homework. But Eiji definitely needed his and Fuji's help. "That will help."

"You're sure Yumiko-san won't mind if we use this stuff, Fuji?" Eiji looked unsure several minutes later, holding a bottle of Fuji's sister's hair conditioner. "My sisters would kill me if I used any of theirs. Well, not really, but they'd get really mad."

"She won't mind," Fuji assured him, smiling.

So then Eiji promptly conditioned his hair twice. "See?" Oishi sounded hopeful when he'd finished, smiling tentatively. "It's a lot better."

And it was – it didn't stink like a chemical spill anymore and it actually felt like hair again. But the color was nasty! Eiji peeked at his reflection in the mirror and peered at the wet strands. "We need to dye it back. Right now."

"Can't that wait until tomorrow?" Oishi asked, already knowing that the answer would be no.

"Oishi, are you crazy? I can't go to school like this! I can't even go home like this!" Eiji pulled at his hair, holding up a drippy lock for Oishi to see. "We have to go get dye right now!"

It took a good fifteen minutes to put all of the paint removal supplies back where they belonged, and after that there was Eiji's frantic search through Fuji's room for something to cover his disastrous hair with. Eventually Oishi found himself hurrying with Fuji and Eiji in the rain towards the nearby convenience store. It was already dark. His homework still wasn't even started. His fish, not to mention his family, were probably wondering where he was.

But it wasn't like he could leave now, right?


	4. Chapter 4

**The Perils of Paint, Part 4**

**Disclaimer:** Familiar characters, settings, events, and concepts all belong to Takeshi Konomi.

As always, thanks to everyone who has reviewed - it is nice to know what you think! I won't be adding anything else; this is the last part of the story - thanks for reading!

* * *

Oishi had never shopped for hair dye before, but Eiji and Fuji seemed to know what they were doing when they knelt next to the display of little boxes near the other hair products. "We have to match it right," Fuji was saying while examining several different boxes. "Otherwise it won't turn out the right color. Let's see. This is red for medium brunettes…this one is for darker brunettes…" 

"We need one for hydrogen-peroxide-gone-terribly-wrong-orange!" Eiji scrambled for the boxes himself. There had to be a formula in his red for bad bleach jobs. People probably went around bleaching their hair with stupid things all the time, right?

"I need to see a little bit of your hair so we can match it, Eiji." Fuji reached up to tug a few strands of Eiji's hair loose from the ski hat he was wearing. He wasn't sure why Eiji had grabbed his ski hat when he owned several other hats. Honestly, a blue knit hat with snowflakes on it looked a little strange in summer. Fuji readily admitted that it was amusing though.

Eiji pulled the sides of the hat down around his ears, trying to hiss quietly, "Don't let anyone see! This is totally the most embarrassing afternoon and evening of my life! No one can know about the disaster that is my hair!"

"You're sure you can't just wait and get it fixed at a salon?" Oishi ventured to ask, sounding hopeful. "They would probably do a really nice job, better than Fuji and I could."

"Don't even suggest that, Oishi! You don't want me to have to go to school like this, do you?!" Eiji gaped at his double's partner, still holding the edges of the hat around his ears. He glanced furtively around the convenience store. "Someone could see me! Even someone from another school! And they would probably take a picture with their camera phone and show the rival tennis teams and there would be horrible pictures at our next game and that would just be bad, Oishi, really bad! I would probably be so embarrassed I wouldn't be able to play, Oishi!"

"I think we can handle it," Fuji said with a calm smile, then tossed Oishi a box of hair dye. "That should work."

* * *

They returned to the upstairs bathroom after a quick explanation to Fuji's mother about their activities all evening. "We've been trying to help Eiji with his hair, but the bleach job wasn't ideal," Fuji told her. "So we're going to dye it back to the original color." 

"All right," Fuji's mother said sweetly, deciding that the explanation was satisfactory (if Syuuske was up to something, did she really want to know?). "Make sure to invite your friends to eat something when you're finished."

"Is your mom making normal food tonight, Fuji?" Eiji asked quietly as they made their way upstairs. On several of the occasions when he'd been invited to eat at Fuji's, the food was a little out of the ordinary. Well, maybe more than a little. It could be downright questionable, especially after Fuji started setting out the condiments.

"Eiji, that's not a polite thing to ask!" Oishi reprimanded.

Fuji just started pulling old towels out of the bathroom cupboard. He smiled. "I'm sure we're having something good."

Despite the fact that both Fuji and Eiji had a significant amount of experience with bleaching and dyeing and Oishi had absolutely none, Seigaku's vice-captain still found himself mixing the dye. More smelly, headache-inducing chemicals.

"You should color your hair, Oishi," Eiji announced while happily rubbing dye all over his head. The smell of regular old hair dye was somewhat comforting, actually. Back to normal and fabulous, hooray! "I think maybe red, like mine. It would look good, Oishi."

"I don't think so. I like it the way it is." Oishi shook his head a little nervously.

Fuji was once again sitting on the bathroom counter watching everything. "We have enough dye leftover, actually."

"That's okay. I don't want to dye mine," Oishi protested more firmly. What was it with tennis club members and hair color anyway? Thank goodness a few of Seigaku's other regulars hadn't done anything with theirs, or he wouldn't have much of an argument.

"Too bad, Oishi." Eiji mused with a shrug while letting the dye set. "I guess I will always have better hair than you then. Oh well!"

"What's wrong with my hair?" Oishi asked, then decided to dismiss it with a laugh. Things had been too crazy already to get hung up on anything.

Eiji stayed in a cheerier mood, especially when the dye was rinsed out and his hair was joyously restored to a happy red color. While he aimed Yumiko's hair dryer at his head, Oishi let out a relieved sigh and headed out. "Well, I'm going home. It's been a long evening."

"You don't want to stay and eat?" Fuji asked.

"You need to wait for me!" Eiji spoke over the hair dryer, looking offended. "I don't want to walk by myself!"

Oishi wanted to slap his hand against his forehead, but he refrained. He liked both Eiji and Fuji, he really did – but didn't they understand the necessity of doing homework, of spending a little time with family? He managed a smile. "My family is probably wondering what's kept me for so long. Thank you for the invitation to eat, Fuji, but I need to decline. And you walk by yourself all the time, Eiji."

"I'll only take a tiny bit longer, Oishi. Just wait for me," Eiji pleaded, still blasting his head with the hair dryer. "And you and Fuji can eat while you wait for me. I don't mind. I can eat very fast when I'm done."

"Come on, Oishi." Fuji hopped off of the countertop, already heading for the stairs. "We're having a casserole tonight, I think."

How did he get wrangled into these things even when he tried to get out of them? Oishi wondered as he found himself directed to a chair at the Fujis' dining room table. Maybe he needed to take an assertiveness class. Yes, that would maybe help. Something about how to say no is no. Kindly though, if possible.

Fuji's mother's casserole was edible, but barely. Oishi had never tasted anything quite like the combination of noodles, meat, and spices before, but he politely and rather quickly choked down what seemed like an impossibly large plateful. Even after he gratefully washed it all down with a slice of dessert and a glass of lemonade, Eiji was still upstairs.

"We're done eating." Oishi peeked into the upstairs bathroom. What was he doing in there and why was it taking so long? "For goodness sakes, Eiji, you're not gelling it and everything, are you?"

It was a pointless question because Eiji was already just about finished styling his hair right back into its former glory state. He happily bounced out of the room after shoving a container of hair wax back into his bag. "Come on, Oishi, let's go! It's all fixed!"

"Aren't you going to eat?" Oishi asked, noticing that Eiji had made a beeline for the front door and was already swapping the house slippers for his shoes.

"Have you ever had casserole, Oishi? Don't tell Fuji, but it's really bad," Eiji whispered secretively. Oddly enough, Fuji didn't seem to mind in the least that Eiji didn't stay to eat. He waved as his friends left his house, "Bye! See you tomorrow!"

Eiji practically skipped towards his and Oishi's neighborhoods, though he didn't actually say very much. In the middle of the walk he hugged Oishi tightly around the shoulders, almost knocking him a little off balance. "Thank you for helping me with my hair, Oishi! You and Fuji are such good friends!"

"It's okay," Oishi replied with a smile. So what if it had taken almost the entire evening and he was going to have to skip one of the few TV shows he watched in order to get his homework done? – Eiji was happy again, which was relatively important.

"You're sure you don't want to color your hair, Oishi?" Eiji asked. "Helping you with that would definitely make up for everything today. I owe you."

"No. No, I don't want to color my hair," Oishi reiterated. Never, never, never – not after the day's adventures. "You can make it up to me just by never getting paint in your hair again."

End.


End file.
